I'm coasting...

Not much to report. I haven't worked on my cross stitch lately. When I get home from work, I'm too drained to do anything but vegetate. I think I'm on the edge of depression and I'm trying to fight it. Depression won't get me anywhere at this point. I'm really really scared about my next step. I'm sure my management at work is waiting for me to type up my resignation. Until then everyone is pretending that things are normal - not friendly but polite. I'm waiting for my birthday. It makes a difference to my social security. I asked the company that handles my pension about my retirement funds and they said it doesn't matter after I'm vested with the company how I leave. It's based on how much I earned when I left. My my.

What got me anxious is: I thought I had a nice place to go to when I retire. My stepmother said I could move in and I could afford that. But now I don't know. She isn't taking care of the place and this week she told me that the place is infested with fleas from her dog and cat. She has an attention span of 5 minutes and can't remember how to rid the place of the fleas. I'm all up in arms about that. Plus I would have to get rid of about 90% of my belongings to fit in her house. I've thought of buying a mobile home. The thought of packing moving and preparing my condo for sale. Going through the sale just crushes me.

Work is impossible

I have come to the point where I can say that I can't deal with the manager at my work. He did a performance review today that covered 1/2005 to 6/2006 - He had recorded every error he could find with my work right down to the wrong date on a letter and errors that my coworker had done was blamed on me. He rated my work lower than last year!! I told him that he was trying to push me out the door and that he had succeeded because I wasn't going to take his harrassment anymore. He told me to put it in writing. I told him when I was good and ready! I told him what I thought of him, how he had given me a bad time from day one and that after twenty years with the company, it was odd that someone would suddenly find I wasn't doing my job!! I have lost all interest in working there. I've put two decades of loyalty into that job and am treated like low life. It was a weight off my shoulders to finally say I wasn't sticking around. I should have quit 3 years ago when he took over my manager's job when she retired! This means a lot of changes in my life. I will have to cut back on the ISP I currently have. (Internet Service Provider) I will have to cancel alot of luxuries I have become used to. One has to do what one has to do. I don't care if my work can read this. What are they going to do - fire me??